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Archive for July, 2009

Does God Send Signs?

I am a woman whose faith has been waning lately. It has been nearly impossible to get a job after the whole Breast Cancer thing. I spend numerous hours every day searching the net, local newspapers and putting the word out. Yesterday was a particular stressful day thinking about my dilemma. I was feeling sorry for myself that no one wanted to hire me without transportation and my upcoming surgery schedule. My thoughts then turned to enjoying my morning coffee which rarely fails to cheer me up and always gives me a little energy boost. Unfortunately this morning the cream was soured. I set out to the store to get a new carton. I entered Walmart, grabbed a loaf of bread, a carton of cream and paid for my purchases. Upon exiting the store, I decided I deserved a fresh hot bagel so I set my sights on Panera Bread down the street. In the silence my anxious thoughts began to return. “I just have to get work and get off my sweet children’s charity list.” (My son and youngest daughter have been paying all of my expenses since a year ago last April when I started chemo and was too sick to work.) They never complain, but I know they are running out of money to help me. What to do, what to do? The light turns green and I turn left. All of a sudden I notice white writing on the back windshield of the car in front of me. The message says, “Do Nothing.” It hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been so wired up with worry that God had to send a visible sign to tell me to settle down. You might say that’s ridiculous, God doesn’t send signs anymore. Oh really? The words Congrats, Graduate and Just Married we see all the time, but never in my 48 years have I ever seen “Do Nothing” written anywhere. I take that as a sign. It was profound and timely. Though it is almost impossible for me to “do nothing” especially in the midst of need, I know I need to just stop for a moment. I need to remember there is a time for everything, even nothing. I will practice letting things go, relax and have a little faith. I have to believe that work that will support me is on the way. Til then I will take a little time out now and then to practice the art of “Doing Nothing.”

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Let It Go

I’ve come upon a challenge the last few days that was a tough one for me. I did something different than I usually do. I usually fret and scheme til I make myself crazy with anxiety. This time I took a situation of frustration and just let it go believing it would work out okay because no matter how hard I tried I could get it to work in my favor anyway. Without boring you with all the details let me just say, a particular outcome was of great importance to me. I was surprised to find that it worked itself out just fine without all my worry and fretting and mostly in my favor. I have been a person that thinks I have to make all the effort in situations in order to be a responsible adult. It is just not so. It is more responsible to do my best and then let it go because how responsible is it to wreck my nerves and my health fretting over everything in my life? We all know the answer to that one. Anyway, I am very please with the outcome and I think I will practice letting things go more often.

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Self Help

I spent more than one phone call this week with friends lamenting the fact that things aren’t improving in our lives as quickly as we would like. I believe because we can’t seem to stay on our feet we have come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with us that needs fixing. Women are famous for such thoughts. Why do we think that if adjust our minds differently we will have the motivation to make long term changes that will bring us better incomes, more satisfying work or even the love life we desire? Men typically don’t sit around and worry about such things. Still with all their flaws they manage to attain what we keep striving for. On that note, I began to think about how I can barely swallow the idea of reading one more self help books, not that there’s anything wrong with them. I love reading self help books but I’ve come to realize that the things I have been learning rarely to they bring life changing solutions for me. That’s why I keep reading more and more of them. Some have been very helpful. (I checked out a suggested title from the library today.) However many times the encouragement seems to be temporary as life continues throwing me curves I can barely recover from. A thought came me. What if who we are and how we are is just fine like we are? Could it be true that there might not really be anything wrong with me? I considered, if God wanted me to be different wouldn’t he have made me that way? At least I thought he would have made it easier for me to change when I am so willing to put in the work. The truth is God needs all kind of people in his world to make it the wonderful place it is. If I keep changing myself then how can I have the life that was meant for me. I will miss opportunities that will help make me happy and successful because I am too busy trying to be something else. The very things we want the most we might never attract by changing ourselves. I know people who refuse to make changes that I think would benefit them. Somehow even though they screw up a million times they always seem to get back on their feet 10 times quicker than me and have way more of everything than I do. (I’m not complaining. I’m stating an observation.) How is that possible? I think there is something to be said for when a person is down, just not thinking about it as you get up, brush yourself off and give things another try instead of sitting around reading self help books. Wouldn’t it serve us better if we stop re-evaluating and beating ourselves up for being who you are. I understand improving behaviors but we all know I’m not talking about that. Before I have to find a support group for self help addicts maybe I should rethink this whole “I need to fix myself” thing. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for self help. I will be the first to admit that I have gotten some helpful ideas and encouragement in the past. It’s just maybe if I spent my time affirming that I am great just like I am, my self esteem and energy would return on it’s own and I would exceed my own expectations anyway therefore attracting the life I wanted all along. Just a thought.

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