Archive for March, 2010

Enough is enough. I have been saying that for sometime. The thing is I just don’t know how to will myself to get going so I pray and pray and pray seemingly never receiving a reply. So I take things into my own hands and try to remember back when life seemed to take on a forward motion. What did I do to make things happen? First I remember being propelled with fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of losing my marriage and fear of my kids growing up as juvenile delinquents because their father ran out on us. I did lose my marriage but not my kids. They are all well adjusted thriving adults. So…living in fear again is not a very good option and not any fun. Option two: pursuing the things that bring me passion and joy. Hmm…that’s sounds alot better. How to do that again has taken a little more work than before when I was young, healthy and had a little bit of money all of which are the opposite for me now. Over the past couple of years I’ve battled breast cancer and luckily survived, lost my job, my car, my figure, my energy and my income. The task to recover any of those seems daunting much less all of them which seems impossible. No I was not one of those people who didn’t appreciate all that I had and that is the lesson I had to learn here. I was always so grateful for all the wonderful things in my life as I still am now. I don’t know the reason I have suffered such things in my life but I just believe that sometimes it’s just part of life and nothing is gained by being angry. Besides I don’t want to be angry or desperate or depressed over my situation. Sometimes I am though when I can’t see how to get on my feet. In my heart I know I will but it has been so long it seems hopeless. It is also very frustrating to have so many dreams when I can’t even provide for myself. In that moment of thought my dreams shift to things more practical like how to get a job. I don’t want to lose my dreams which are the spice and joy of life. Despite my despair inside me I feel random flickers of excitement. I know in my heart that what I want out of life is there for a reason and it will happen. How? I don’t know but that is not mine to worry about. My job right now is to find some little thing that brings joy and passion back into my life. That thing or things will propel me out that and will make things happen. When we have something in our hearts that drives us we find it less of a struggle to pursue it. When we move, circumstances move things for us connecting us to opportunities and people that will help make things happen. I’ve seen it a thousand times. The experience is like being in the lucky zone. It’s time for me to get in my lucky zone and get my groove back and I might just have the ticket…belly dancing! I went to my first class this week and had a blast. I found a kinship with the women there and I’m excited that my imperfect belly has permission to “hang out.” There I am accepted just as I am. It is exciting to me to feel that the imperfect parts of me, not just my belly, are safe to come out and are even celebrated. I do want my tummy to be the best it can so I now have the inspiration I need to get back in shape, something my health will thank me for. Oh yeah I have zero coordination but that’s okay too. I checked out a belly dancing video at the library and I’m going to practice. Zest is returning to my desperate life. I wonder what other positive things I will begin to bring to my life? I can’t wait to see.


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Book Review

“Chants Of A Lifetime” is the journey of the young Krisha Das trying to find his way in the world with his dreams of becoming a rock and roll singer. A chance meeting with Indian guru Neem Karoli Baba changed his direction and his life. He soon found himself in India having cast off all of his personal possessions and living for the moments he would spend in the presence of his guru. Here he found a love and acceptance he’d never known before so when he was sent back to the United States he was heartbroken. What was he to do in the United States away from the teacher he loved so much? After returning and the death of his beloved teacher, Krishna Das found his purpose in life which was to share chanting with his listeners and participants in the Western World. “Chants Of A Lifetime” will draw the reader into the heartbreaking yet heartwarming life journey of Krishna Das. Though many of us may never experience being able to cast off all our earthly possessions in exchange for the opportunity to devote oneself to search out what true spiritual love is, we can relate to the longings of the soul to touch God and how on those rare moments we feel his overwhelming presence of love. Krishna Das reveals many lessons of the soul that will encourage and educate the reader to seek out a life and work that brings the greatest joy and meaning of life…love.
BONUS: (CD of chants also included with the book.)

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