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Archive for June, 2010

THE GOAL

Three little words changed my life yesterday. As I sat waiting for the result of my Mammogram I tried to read and calm myself. Since having had Breast Cancer and going through treatment I have developed a few additional life anxieties and worries and one of them being bad results on medical tests. I know for the most part I have no control over the outcome but I have done what I can to influence better health. I have modified my diet, tried to add in some exercise when I felt well enough to do so, reduced my stress (a biggie!) and increased my happiness level as often as I can. Though I felt pretty confident about the chance of the results being good I still had that nagging scary feeling that is could all go wrong in a matter of minutes. The wait was excruciating but finally the nurse popped her head out and looked me square in the eye and said, “you can go.” It was like I had been given my life back. Suddenly all the things I have been worrying about didn’t seem like a big deal anymore. Even the sky on the drive home looked extraordinary. The clouds were all clean white puffy and piled up with streaks of gray in between like I had never seen before. Should be a whopper of a storm later, I thought. Still it was just like a beautiful painting to me so much so that I called my sis to tell her about it. I never do that.

The thinker that I am was so influenced by this event that it changed me permanently. For most people it takes something horrible to change their ways but I guess I am just different that way. I already have had enough horrible things in life that would make anyone else bitter and mean. It has just made me more me. Now I realized that I don’t need to obsess about securing my future or beat my head against the wall to make my dreams come true, and trust me I have a ton of dreams, especially for an old gal…lol. Whatever happens with all that is going to be okay. I am going to take opportunities when they happen, do my best with what I have, believe that things will work out for me to get me where I want to go even if it looks like my only way there is closing (or my “hut” is burning on my deserted island where I’m shipwrecked) and I will stop being so afraid of life. I won’t forget to have fun and dream but won’t get so caught up in trying to make that happen that I lose my footing and lose my will to dream in the process. Dream it, let it come to you and when it does love it, work at it and nurture it like you would a relationship. Like John Mayer says, “Live Well.” That doesn’t mean you have to be rich or even living your dreams at the moment but it does mean that wherever you are in life enjoy it and have as much fun as you can, embrace and love. No one knows the future and it is not ours to know and make ourselves crazy trying to make it a certain way, but it is ours to embrace and live it well. That is my goal in life. That is my true dream. The other dreams will come and will be the icing on the cake.

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